Softly Present
I've recently return from a week-long retreat at Epona Rise Retreat Center in Kamloops, BC. Hillary Schneider has been running an equine facilitated program there for the last 5 years and her approach differs from many others I had seen in that there wasn't a lot of structure. This intrigued me as many Equine Assisted Learning (EAL) programs rely on different activities where the human and the horse must complete a task or navigate an obstacle course. The purpose being the obstacle is representative of the obstacles we place in our lives.
When I first met Hillary and learned of her program, I asked her openly: "So....what. People just show up and stand in the field and then....what happens?? What if NOTHING happens?? We just stare at the horses grazing and I charge them money for it?!" She of course laughed at me and said that wasn't exactly it. However, when we structure the program too tightly we eliminate the space needed for transformation to occur. For my type A personality, this was a challenging concept to grasp, however, seeing the horses as an equal partner, as a teacher and guide vs. a "tool" seemed to resonate with me and thus I began to work with Hillary almost 2 years ago via zoom and other virtual platforms. I participated in workshops and enrolled in a mentorship program that lasted the better part of a year, and just wrapped up a few months ago. The final feather in my cap for me was to finally travel to her facility and participate in leadership training with her herd.
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When we arrived, after brief introductions and overview of the "general" outline...of course with space...we went to the herd. At first, I simply was trying to decompress and get a feel for their energy. As I began to relax into the vibe of the land and the herd, I felt ready to move closer. Soon after, I was approached by a horse who had a clear message for me to relax, breathe into the place, and be fully present. HOW did I get a message directly from a HORSE?! Well, other than being empathic, which you don't need to be for this to "work", he literally walked up to me, purposefully nudged me and then laid down. Once down, he looked at me like "you coming?!". And so I sat down next to him to take it all in and as soon as I did, he let out a sigh and I swear he contemplated putting his head in my lap. This may seem a small gesture, and on its own it was. However, when combined with the experiences I had beyond that moment which only got more bizarre and took me down an even deeper personal path of reflection and transformation, there is no denying there was something to this "just stand in a field" approach.
Oh sure, we had a general purpose and intent when we went out to the herd each day, but the emphasis was on connection, intention, and being fully present in the moment. Here's the thing though: I work in an industry where being present in the moment is near impossible and frequently trained out of us. This of course, as you can imagine, was a big lesson I was being taught by the herd last week - to slow down. I don't need to know the next step or what is over the next hill. What I do need however is to put one foot in front of the other, focus on the present moment and trust that I'm being guided. I need to remember to rest, to play, to remember my purpose, to take what I need, to set and hold my boundaries and not own how those around me respond to how I choose to move through the world.
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The most profound lesson however was to be soft. I received feedback time and again that my traumas from the past do not define me, but they can guide me. I have allowed them to make me "tough", and in some ways I have limited my view and restricted my empathy towards those I find to be "soft" or "weak". I'm a "suck it up" person by nature, and I've learned that this was developed at a young age as a survival tool. Every horse I encountered no matter how confident, fierce, and unyielding always approached me with softness. They taught me about range, about keeping the lesson, but not the damage. Meaning: I do not need to carry the consequences of the decisions made by those who created the environment in which I learned the lesson in the first place. I can give it back to them to carry for themselves. I was surprised to find that although I felt I had moved beyond these things as I had not only forgiven, but thanked these individuals for the lessons learned, there was something deeper that needed healing, and that was to let go of any burden I felt I needed to carry related to their choices, and lead from a place of softness.
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Perhaps I'm getting rather personal here in this message (and lengthy!), but I wanted to demonstrate that in the entire time I was there, I never lead a horse through an obstacle course. I never completed a complex maneuver or used any tools other than a brief moment I haltered a horse. That's it. I got all of that learning from just "standing in a field" believe it or not. Woven in those moments of learning I was also facilitating others on their path to discovery, and I felt this open approach to staying present in the moment and going with what we are pulled to, led to a place where we could have a deep and authentic experience.
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Personal Leadership in this way, where we take the time to go deeper, discover our triggers, our narrative, what holds us back, what we may be blind to, and where we have room to grow; all contributes to how we view the world and how we choose to move through it. This shift in our perspective that comes from experiences such as this leads us to a deeper understanding of how we are not all that different from each other.
If you are a leader and wondering how my personal experience will help me be a better leader of teams, then I would say - if you can't find the answer to that within yourself I would invite you to come stand in a field with me and do nothing for a while, you'll be amazed at all that you accomplish while learning to be soft, present in the moment, and free of the burdens imposed on you by others.
~❤~
In good health,
Sonia
Social: @spirit2spiritefhc
Sonia@spirit2spirit.org
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